Is that your penis?

As a middle age bored housewife I spend a lot of time on FB connecting with old friends, stalking, chatting and just passing the time away with some mutually bored aquaintances I’ve picked up in FB land.

I really love making new friends catching up with old friends and just giving my unfiltered opinions and advice to anyone who wants to listen.

I do however find that people, especially men are fucking dumb!!!

Yes I’m a flirt. Yes I love to be complimented. Yes depending on my mood I will probably talk to you about anything…. including relationships, sex, emotions, needs, desires, anything I’m no prude. And I do think I have a lot to offer someone searching for advice on all these topics.

Now having said all that I don’t think I lead anyone on. I’m open, honest, unfiltered and right to the point! I am almost 100% positive I don’t give anyone the impression that I want a picture of their goods.

So why do men feel the need to send me a picture of their penis? In my 6 years on FB I have been the recipient of three penis pictures.

Don’t send me that shit! Not because I’m a prude or I’m timid, or offended I’m none of those things!! Your penis is fucking ugly!! I don’t care how big, small, bald, or hard your penis is. It’s not a turn on. Woman don’t want to look at your penis! Unless I am with you in person and we are in the throws of some hot full on foreplay I don’t want to see it!! What am I gonna do with a picture of it? Tell you it’s nice? No, it’s not nice, it’s a dick! Dicks are good for one thing and you would have to be here in person for that! So the next time you guys think it’s hot to send us a picture of your cock think to yourself…Whats she gonna think? And remember what I said. Penis pictures are not a turn on. In fact if she was hot and bothered enough in your conversation that prompted you to send the money shot, first she doesn’t need it she’s taking care of herself! Second if she needs a penis she’ll just get the one out of her nightstand. And third if a picture of her pussy is what your trying to get out of it, it’s unlikely unless you guys are in a total committed trusting relationship! You may get lucky if we’re drinking though, you may end up with the dildo in the pussy pic but you will never be able to identify if it’s actually your girl in the pic. But it may be just enough to get you off!

Link

What turns you on?

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The Kiss

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There are three types of kisses according to me. Anyone care to guess which one is my favorite?! 🙂

#1) ” The simple peck”, otherwise known as the hello or goodbye kiss, the always kiss me goodnight kiss, the June Cleaver kiss. I like to call this kiss ” The don’t invade my space kiss”…lol…for anyone married over ten years you get it, it’s the turn the cheek roll my eyes because you ain’t getting any tonight kiss! This is not a special kiss it’s a greeting, it’s a habit. it’s routine …fucking boring!!!! It’s the cheek cheek peck peck hello darling bitchy kiss!

#2) ” The sex kiss”, aka the porno kiss, the don’t do this if you have braces kiss. The “Are you trying to find my piece of gum?” kiss. The yes, I did have my tonsils removed when I was younger kiss. This is your full on teeth clanking tongue flapping, spit swapping, drooling, wet kiss… useful when you are in a hurry, could really set the tone for a hot and heavy quickie, also good if you’re horny as fuck they’ll be no mistaking what you want after this kiss!

#3) “The passionate kiss”, or as some like to call it ” The romantic kiss” this is the one where you feel the butterflies and the electricity surge through your nerve endings. This is the soft, subtle, but extremely intense kiss…this is usually a first kiss, whether it be your first kiss ever or the first kiss with someone new…this is the kiss that will let you know if you have chemistry with your partner. If you don’t get the butterflies… run now! If you don’t want to rip off their clothes and proceed to “The sex kiss” just run. That is my good advice for today. Spoken from a woman who knows the difference.

The cum shot!

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Reading through different blogs I came across this quote on https://lancegreenfield.wordpress.com/ blog.

“A teaspoonful of semen contains the same amount of protein as the white of one egg. However, the consumption of semen can be much more fun.”
Dr Miriam Stoppard

He commented, he knew I would be the first to like his post on quotes, especially the above mentioned.

I told him I used to have a boyfriend that would call me and ask “Are you still on that diet? I’ve got your daily dose of protein here!” Who needs a cup of coffee when I can start the day with a protein shot!! …true story, I loved him LOL 😉

Passing down the common sense gene!

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I had a very proud parent moment this morning I have to share.

My 18 yr old just started her new job at Buffalo WW as a waitress. She gets this woman come in at 8:00pm on Friday night and order a cup of tea. She goes to get her some tea and is told they don’t serve tea at BWW just coffee. Continue reading